What You Can Take Away From Toxic Friendships
“You are the average of
the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
I used to see this quote everywhere, listened to so many gurus talking about it, got inspired for 5 minutes, and then still kept hanging around the same type of people.
I used to see this quote everywhere, listened to so many gurus talking about it, got inspired for 5 minutes, and then still kept hanging around the same type of people.
But… Why did I do that? Why did I keep hanging out with them even though my toxic friendships subconsciously stopped me from reaching my goals in life?
Sounds familiar?
I learned that I was
keeping toxic friends close to me because I didn’t feel like I was good enough.
I thought that my worth was valued based on the number of people I have got in
my close circle.
I thought that what my
friends thought of me, meant the world. Any emotion and feeling they would put
on me, I would go with it. If they were sad, I would be sad the whole day. If
they were happy, I would be happy for them.
Whenever they wanted to call and talk about problems, I was there. I was always there.
Whenever they wanted to call and talk about problems, I was there. I was always there.
I never wanted to abandon anyone and I never put boundaries with it, because I KNEW what it was like to be abandoned by even your own family.
I didn’t want others to go through the same hurt and pain that I went through, so I sacrificed my all, hoping to get the same thing in return.
But as I grew older, I realized: is this how relationships and friendships work?
Do you always need something in return? Where does this mindset come from?
And get this: because of the trauma I experienced in the past, I feel comfortable with anyone that complements my home base.
If that home base was filled with chaos, fights and screaming, fists and physical lacerations AND you are not aware of this in the present moment, you WILL attract the same type of people guaranteed.
That is why you see a person with a tough, unstable childhood mostly being attracted to the wrong type of life partners or friendships.
This type of self-reflection can bring about changes in your life.
It is easier to blame the other for being “toxic” than to reflect on yourself first. What triggers you? Why can’t you set boundaries in the right way so that you don’t allow toxic relationships to happen in the first place?
Dive deep inside yourself. It is the most important you can do. It takes inner work and patience.